Lots of catch up about life lately.

To be quite honest, I take a billion and one pictures during the week of my girls and just our week together! I'm just bad at putting them on my blog and writing about them. I have been so bad at updating my blog since Navy got here. Even worse, I've completely neglected my personal journal.. which  I have always been golden at updating. I feel kind of sick to my stomach, realizing there are some things I just cant and wont remember that I didn't write down somewhere, anywhere! Having a second baby threw me for a loop. When I had Zoee, my first baby, it was so...easy? No, it was was hard sometimes, but oh so do-able! I remember going through some post pardom depression, and phases where things were difficult. For the most part, it was just plain fun to play dress up with my one baby girl, it just being her and I each day. I realize now it was very much like playing house! 

The first 3 weeks after I had Navy were Heavenly  Nothing could get me down from the cloud I was riding. My mom was here to help We had great meals that I didn't have to make. Austin should have received some sort of golden medal for being dad/husband of the year with all the things he helped out with. Zoee didn't really understand the big change our family had made, by adding another baby. Neither did I.

Then, weeks 4 and 5 hit. The depression kicked in, a lot. Every day at certain times of the day I would get so unbelievably sad. I would want to just sit and stare at a wall all day.. but I tried my best to stay in the now- because I had two babies to take care of. I had myself to take care of too.. I couldn't ignore it all. Eventually it got better, and even though im still having moments of sadness during my day, I know how to deal with it, what helps me get over it quick. My girls. They are my best medicine  Today in fact, it was starting to creep in...Zoee was on the floor and I started to tickle her with my toes.. her laugh alone made me so happy- I started to laugh too, that made it much, much better. Thanks Zoee : ) 

We have been doing quite well now that we've gotten into a routine for the day. It took a lot of courage and convincing to get out of the house with both of my kids in tow. I remember thinking, today is the day I will go out and do something with both kids! Then it wouldn't happen...finally I made myself, and now its do-able to get out with both. I'm not afraid anymore of the stairs people give when my toddler is having a meltdown and my newborn is crying loudly. I take a deep breath and handle it the best I can at that moment. Seeing other moms with 2+ kids gives me a whole new respect and perspective! 

I'm so lucky and grateful to get to be a stay at home mom. Even though we are usually tight on money, and always trying to balance things out between my husbands paychecks, I know this is where I am supposed to be right now. Austin is very supportive about me staying home, and says he would rather me be here and be tight on money, then have someone else watch our kids and have lots of money. What a great hubby I have : ) I know I'll look back one day when our kids are grown, and know that these really were the best times of our life. 

My beautiful Darlings.